There was a time when most of us got a lot of reinforcement at home as we were growing up on how important it is to get along with others. Our parents, and later teachers and even coaches and ministers, pushed us beyond our comfort zone to give speeches, apologize for our mistakes and show good sportsmanship. Sometimes we hated it; later we admitted we needed it. Now with so many other issues drowning parents and teachers the development of social skills has fallen off the radar. The same situation exists in adult education, where the focus on being "job ready" has become so intense that many basics are being ignored.

No matter how sophisticated we believe we are, and no matter how focused on technology the research tells us that those old fashioned lessons on getting along still matter. Studies show us over and over again that people would rather work with someone they like, even if that person is incompetent. And by now we have all heard that "people quit bosses, not jobs". So understanding what makes you likable and being able to get along matters, even after we grow up and leave the play ground. Below are a few tips for those who have trouble getting started on this journey.

Do:
• Face the fact that social skills matter even in business. You may think it's not fair; you may be introverted and wish people would just leave you alone, but the society we live in values the ability to "work and play well with others".
• Pay attention when people talk to you. Look up from your desk or computer screen and make eye contact. Listen and respond to questions.
• Smile and show interest in your coworkers and colleagues. You don't have to engage in all day gab fests. Just put aside a few minutes each day to greet people at work; connect with them and then move on to your job duties.
• Consider getting some help from a specialist like a social skills or executive coach, or join a networking group for practice.

Don't:
• If you're introverted...don't try to convince a world of extroverts (the majority of the population) that they need to be like you and that social skills shouldn't matter. This will be a waste of your time and sound like "sour grapes" to those around you.
• Point out every mistake others make. For example, you don't need to correct grammar in a casual conversation. Save your critical eye for final copies of important documents and key presentations.
• Tell everyone over and over again about your impressive education and credentials. If people really want to know about your background they will ask.
• Stay holed up in your office for days at a time without "socializing" with your coworkers. Even if you are swamped with work, make time to say hello to people in the office. Your concentration on your job could be misinterpreted as standoffish or antisocial behavior.

Remember:
You want to be liked for positive attributes like being approachable, honest and easy to work with. Don't sacrifice your professional reputation or personal ethics in the name of being liked. Petty theft, cooking the books or turning a blind eye to dangerous behavior at work might make you popular with certain types of workers...but these behaviors will always come back to bite you later.

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